i woke up early went back to sleep and the phone conversation you were having when i was out seeped into my dream strange how those things happen or not really strange at all either way it must’ve been an intense call. when you told me about when i woke i wasn’t interested in talking about because it was too much. when i wake up in the morning the first breathe is hardest to take i feel a pressure on my chest as my body adjusts from being asleep to waking up i guess. add that to any other stress that comes rushing in and it’s a strange feeling for anyone i would think i’m getting better at realizing that it’s just a byproduct of being asleep when i wake up i usually want to go right back to sleep for the first 5 or 10 minutes. those first few minutes are the toughest thing i do all day and it’s a shame it’s how start every morning. it’s how we all start every morning with a tough transition i would think. the longer i stay in bed the harder it is to get out unless i stay in too long then it’s easy to get out but the rest of the day is hard to take knowing that i got up too late and wasted the day. this is something that started recently as i got older and didn’t really happen in my twenties. in my twenties i still felt like i had all of the time in the world to do whatever i wanted not just in that day but in my life it must of been i didn’t strive for as much i was still waiting for the ride to begin but it wasn’t that i didn’t want to do anything with my time i just had more time to waste but now there is a bitter taste in my mouth how i’ve let too much happen to quickly without a doubt now it is wasted too frequently. the ride has taken off and i want to stay off the roller coaster is climbing higher and i feel the feeling in my stomach of excitement. when i get out bed it’s like the bottom of the roller coaster and i spend all day worrying that i don’t have enough time as you get older you start to lose your mind if embraced it’s the only thing you’ll face it’s all ready learned that you have more fun every day. life becomes like a drug you become or a drug you live instead of a drug you take. it’s not ingested it’s invested in.